


Distance

by Tammaiya



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Gen, Hints of Fuuma/Kamui, M/M, POV Outsider, hints of Keiichi/Kamui
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-25
Updated: 2004-12-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7839511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tammaiya/pseuds/Tammaiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keiichi has always been an observer, never a player.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distance

****He's one of the popular boys.  
  
Well, of course he is. He's good looking, he plays basketball, he gets good grades, what's not to like? Maybe that's why you like him, just like everyone else. You'd prefer not to think that, though. You don't want to be that shallow.  
  
You go to the same school, are in some of the same classes as his sister, but you're not sure if he even knows who you are. Maybe he'd recognise you, you think, in passing: 'that boy, the one who was helping Kotori with her maths, what's his name?'  
  
Sometimes it seems that everyone wants to know him. Despite that, he has a lot of acquaintances and not many friends; it's probably by choice. He's a very kind person, but nevertheless he's not a very social or open. Maybe it's _because_ he's popular, and it gets wearing having that many people interested in him for his looks and his abilities rather than his personality.  
  
You don't think that's it, though.  
  
Fuuma interests you, so you look a little deeper than everyone else. You notice that sometimes he looks faraway, melancholy, like he lost someone or something and has never found it or them again. You think that perhaps that's the reason he doesn't like to reach out to other people; he's still holding onto someone long gone that he can't let go of.  
  
His mother died when he was young, you've heard. Maybe that's what he can't let go of.  
  
Even if Fuuma were the kind of person who liked socialising, though, he would still be way out of your league. You're the kind of student who everyone likes but dismisses from their thoughts the second they stop talking to you. 'He's nice,' people say about you, 'so cheerful. He's got such a bright smile.'  
  
You wonder why you care so much about what Fuuma's holding on to. It could be plain curiosity. Then again, it could be an infatuation. That's more likely.  
  
You don't really know, yet.  
  
~  
  
There's a new student in your year.  
  
This would probably not be so remarkable if it weren't for one thing: you were there when Fuuma saw him for the first time, and you were smart enough to figure out that it wasn't the first time after all.  
  
People have a tendency to underestimate you, but you're not stupid. If you were stupid, you wouldn't be going to CLAMP Academy.  
  
It doesn't take long to figure out that this was the person Fuuma was still holding on to. He won't be letting go any time soon, you can tell, even if the other boy is so adamant about pushing him away.  
  
Besides, you get the feeling that the boy can't push forever.  
  
His name is Kamui, you learn eventually, though you still have no idea what his relation to Fuuma is. Kotori seems to know him too, chases him around despite the fact he's obviously avoiding her and Fuuma both. You wonder why he bothers. Sometimes, in the literature class you share with him but not Kotori, you catch him staring out the window at the sports class. Fuuma's sports class, which you yourself watch during boring lessons.  
  
Kotori isn't the only one who chases Kamui, you discover. Fuuma chases him too, despite being repeatedly pushed away. It's like a reversal of the natural laws of the universe: Fuuma doesn't chase anyone. Everyone chases Fuuma. It feels wrong.  
  
You were right, of course; you're an insightful person, something people tend to forget because you smile so often. Kamui gives up on whatever game he was playing, and when you see them around school, they're together. Kotori is with them, on occasion.  
  
Something terrible has happened, you think, because Fuuma and Kamui both express only mute satisfaction at being in each other's company.  
  
You hear that Fuuma and Kotori's father is dying, though you don't really know how the rumour started. It's probably true, though.  
  
You're still jealous.  
  
~  
  
Fuuma is gone.  
  
You don't know where, or why, but he's definitely gone. Kotori is gone too; maybe they moved away to stay with other family after their father died. Kamui is still here, though, and he acts like a completely different person. He seemed strong, before, prickly, as though he didn't need anybody. Maybe he didn't.  
  
Now he looks like he's about to break.  
  
It's not just that Fuuma's gone, obviously. Something must have happened to Kamui, but not even the rumours around school give you any clue what. Maybe someone he loved has died.  
  
You understand what that's like, now. You could only sympathise with Fuuma and Kotori in an abstract way, before, but now you're an orphan too. One day you were a relatively normal and happy kid with a normal family, and then all in one blow you had nothing left.  
  
It's strange, almost numb. It hasn't sunk in yet-- you still expect them to be there at the end of the day, but you don't go home because you don't have a home to go to. You stay on campus now. It makes it feel even more like your parents are just away on a holiday, in Europe maybe-- they always wanted to go to Europe, but it was too expensive and they couldn't afford to take you with them-- but it's unhealthy to think like that. Repression, you think it's called. You've never been the kind of person who could let themself give up, though, as much as you wish you were sometimes. Kamui can break; you don't know how, so you keep smiling.  
  
The difference, you suspect, is that Kamui had always expected he'd have Fuuma to lean on, and you've always been used to the idea that you had to depend upon yourself. You miss Fuuma, but Kamui is lost without him. The difference is that you never had any claim over Fuuma, and Kamui did.  
  
Kamui expected to have someone to lean on, so now he needs someone to lean on. You could be that person, you realise; you understand pain, but you are strong enough to keep smiling. Maybe that's what Kamui needs.  
  
You think that it's what Fuuma would want.


End file.
